What Fairytale Women Really Want
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Ever wonder what occurs in the Storybrooke Home for Lesbian Fairytale Princesses? Wonder why Aurora has orgasms when she sleeps? Wonder why Pan is such a hyperactive freak? Wonder WHY Phillip likes being a overly dramatic pansy? Wonder no more


**What Fairytale Women Want**

**I do not own Once Upon a Time. If I did own Once upon a Time, then ABC would be sending me $700 million paychecks by the hour. Just kidding, I don't own the show. OR DO I?**

**No, no, just kidding. OR AM I NOT KIDDING? No, no, I'm just being crazy. OR AM I?**

**But seriously, just… hehehhheehhehe… just read the story. It's a fairy tale you'll just want to hear again and again and again and again… HEEEEERRRREEEE'S JOHNNY!**

It was a quiet Saturday morning in the Storybrooke Lesbian Fairytale Princesses' House of Pleasure, Sex, Pleasure and did we say Pleasure. Regina and Emma were reading their pregnancy self-help books; Mary Mercedes and Cinderella were watching reruns of Days of our Lives while Aurora, Emma's cousin and second lesbian lover snoozed on the sofa

"Oh, isn't Aurora so angelic when she's sleeping? Just look at her, sleeping like a baby. God, I just want to make out with her for hours!" Mary Mercedes giggled

"Shhh! Quiet! I can't hear what Sami's saying on the TV!" Cinderella hissed, turning up the volume. "Mmm… Emma… oh Emma… ohhh… that feels so good…" Aurora mumbled in her sleep, rolling over.

There was a brief awkward pause just then as Mary and Cinderella stared at their slumbering girl pal. "Um… did she just have a wet dream again?" Regina asked sheepishly. "Yup. You should see how she had an orgasm in her bed last night. God, it was so sexy!" Emma squealed, kissing Aurora's forehead repeatedly.

"Oh **God…**" Killian moaned from the back room. "Shut it Jones, before I send you back to your brother Davy!" Regina hissed sharply. "mmm… Regina… breastfeeds… me…" Aurora mumbled sleepily, all the girls' eyes were trained on the not so evil queen.

"Regina…. Is there a little **something** you need to tell us?" Emma asked, her hands on her hips. Regina shivered as sweat dripped from her forehead. "YES! Yes yes yes! I breastfeed Aurora until she falls asleep! What else do you want me to blab, that Aurora sleeps in bunny rabbit pajamas?!" Regina exclaimed

"wow… guess that never crossed **my** mind." Cinderella admitted, Emma nodding. Sighing lovingly, Emma cradled the sleeping blonde beauty in her arms, the girls smiling as Aurora slept.

"look at her… so peaceful. She's such a little angel." Regina cooed, as Emma rocked Aurora to sleep in her rocking chair, shushing Aurora quietly.

"shhh! You're going to wake her up! Let her sleep… she needs her nap." Emma crooned, kissing Aurora lovingly as she slowly tucked Aurora into her bed. "nighty night sweetie. Have a good nap. I love you, little girl." Emma cooed, kissing Aurora's forehead as she snored.

"well Emma, I guess I misjudged you and Aurora when you two announced that you were getting married. I never thought you two seemed to care about each other so much." Regina admitted, ruffling Emma's hair.

"thanks. I really do love Aurora. She's so sweet, so pretty, so beautiful and she orgasms every time she snores." Emma commented as Aurora gasped excitedly as Cinderella fondled her cock.

"Are you two making whoopee again?" Phillip asked, shocked only to be sprayed with semen from Aurora's vulva. Regina, Emma and Mary burst out laughing. "Oh man, that was hysterical! Phillip, you are such a doofus!" Emma giggled

"I most certainly am **not**." Phillip boasted haughtily, only for a snickering Killian to pull his large tights over his head. "Hey! What's going on? Why am I seeing the insides of my mum's nightie?" Phillip gasped, everybody looking at him.

"… **What?**" Regina uttered in a deadpan expression. "Phillip… I think you're gay." Aurora spoke, showing him a photo of Phillip and Mr. Gold at a gay bar. "OH MY GOD!" Phillip shrieked, squealing in an effeminate voice before sprinting off like a pansy

"… that so-called 'macho prince' needs to get himself laid." Regina muttered. "Pfft. As if." Aurora snorted, Regina eyeing her. "Just what on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"let me put it this way: Phillip enjoys wearing his mother's lingerie and dresses like a sissy, acts very much like my ex idiot husband Graham, who now lives at the local nudie bar down the street, wears women's clothes, listens to Celine Dion, enjoys Clay Aiken music…" Aurora listed, counting off.

"ooh boy, this is gonna take a while…" Regina moaned, sitting down. "Yeah. Aurora's rambling is longer than the frigging Exodus!" Killian barked. "I thought I told you to zip it, you greedy pig!" Regina snarled, fixating her Glare of Evil at him. Killian flew the coop, yelping wildly

Later…

"… swims naked with the guys from his Homosexual Fairytale Men Group, drinks cosmos, advocates gay rights, hangs out at the nudist beach, paints himself with pink paint and wears a ballerina dress…" Aurora continued, as Regina, Emma, Cinderella and Mary were snoring from boredom

"are you listening to me?" Aurora asked, throwing a bucket of ice cold water at the girls, but it missed and the bucket landed on Pan. "AAAAAAA! I'M BLIND!" Pan screamed, his shriek awakening the girls. Pan raced around the room like a madman before he was swallowed up by the earth's crust and was ceased to exist.

"Did you hear something?" Aurora asked awkwardly, showing the fact that the women neither liked nor loved Pan for being a shrewd, overly effeminate jackass. "Naahh." All replied. "Come on bitches, let's go to the NUDIE BAR!" Regina hollered, the girls whooping wildly as they hopped into their limo.


End file.
